Microsoft Envisions Weather Modification System

Where do you want to get rained on today?

August 24, 2009

No matter what the Mac enthusiasts and twelve-step programs tell me, I’m still proud to be a user of Microsoft products. It’s been over 25 years since I embraced my first Redmond-inspired product—MS-DOS 2.0—and in that time the company has made several improvements to their products, however minor in scope. For Microsoft, it’s all about innovation. Still, I was a little surprised to learn that upcoming versions of their products will be used to control the weather.

I discovered this global power grab through an email the company sent me. The missive introduced me to Microsoft Office Labs, a web site (http://www.officelabs.com) that provides a glimpse into what the software behemoth foresees through future releases of its Office line of mandatory-use applications. I was especially intrigued by the “envisioning” videos that demonstrate, for various life scenarios, how Office products could be a full-time part of your daily life.

You can access all of the videos at http://www.officelabs.com/Pages/Envisioning.aspx. In each of the segments, you will find happy people living happy lives managed by happy software—happy Microsoft software. From the boardroom to the playroom, from the grocery store to the Apple Store, these snappy videos show utopia, Steve Ballmer-style.

Most of what appears in each video is a reasonable extrapolation of how we use computers today: students scribbling animated sketches of repulsive substitute teachers on the classrooms’ smart chalkboards; housewives using electronic shopping lists that guide them through the store with GPS-style turn-by-turn excitement; grumpy old men wiping the dog slobber off of their flexible Kindle-killing interactive color e-paper newspapers.

The scenes are all very quaint, but they are meant to distract you from the secret innovations that Microsoft really has in store for the day when we finally submit our lives to all things computational. Hidden inside the “Banking Future Vision” video (which shows almost no typical banking activities) is proof that the company intends to control the climate, possibly with PowerPoint.

The weather control device activates at 2:20 minutes into the video, when customer Anita Sarkozi—who is tracked through the bank by her implanted Microsoft Human ID device—finishes up her meeting with bank employee Jim Hamilton.

If you look at the screen behind these two willing participants, you will see the temperature on the news display change from 22°C to 54°F, a drop of nearly 12 degrees Celsius! That’s equivalent to 18 degrees Fahrenheit, one more reason to be concerned about America’s continued resistance to the metric system.

That’s technology. That’s innovation. That’s scary.

Given the level of difficulty that most people have had with Windows Vista, I never would have believed that Microsoft could even consider taking control of local weather conditions like this, much less flaunt the idea on their web site. It’s caused me to consider the world’s largest software company in a whole new light. I might need to rethink my preference for their products, perhaps even give them up entirely.

And who knows what other sinister plans this company of control freaks has up their proverbial sleeves for our future. Maybe it’s not just time for me to disown Microsoft products; perhaps it’s time for me to actively engage the enemy. I’d better get started on this now. With Microsoft’s level of innovation, who knows when they will have the technology needed to stop ppl lk me frm…oh no!

[Image Credits: Microsoft (!) ]