Author Results
For the author "Tim Patrick"
Dictionary Redefines ‘Poverty’ to Include Banks, CEOs
Merriam-Webster announced today an update to the definition for “poverty” to include those receiving billions in government support.
(more)Surveillance Cameras Enter Witness Protection Program
The Justice Department is expanding the Federal Witness Protection Program to prevent some cameras from being busted into a million pieces.
(more)Arizona Enacts “No Alien Left Behind”
The Arizona legislature has passed the controversial “No Alien Left Behind” package of reforms, also called the “Finders Keepers” law.
(more)Illuminati Engineer Misplaces Prototype Mind-Control Phone
An engineer for the Illuminati accidentally misplaced his prototype mind-control phone, a monolith-like handheld device that is the next step in the organization’s attempt at controlling the masses.
(more)Nations to Phase Out Volcanoes by 2025
A gathering of officials from more than fifty nations has given provisional approval to a plan that will eliminate all active volcanoes from the earth within fifteen years.
(more)Cows Not Treated with rBST Go on Strike
The nation came to a virtual dairy standstill today as millions of mad cows left their barns and stalls in favor of picket lines.
(more)Schools to Lay Off Money-Losing Kids
Many school districts are taking immediate action to reduce their financial red ink by laying off money-losing students.
(more)House Passes Comprehensive Salvation Reform
The House of Representatives voted today to pass a comprehensive salvation reform package know as the “God’s Not So Tough Act of 2010.”
(more)Jobless Rate Rises Unexpectedly to 527 Percent
Numbers issued by the US Labor Department showed a sudden increase in unemployed Americans, rising sharply from 10.1 percent to 526.8 percent.
(more)DMV to Offer Reduced-Cost Lunches to Poor Drivers
The California Department of Motor Vehicles will soon offer lunches to poor drivers at a reduced cost, or in some cases no cost.
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