Quarterly Results
For the quarter "2008 July to September"
No Robots for President
Can someone please tell my why the mainstream media and national polling organizations keep focusing on side issues like the War on Terror and the economy instead of on this one question: Which of the two major party candidates is more likely to take complete control of the United States through his own army of flesh-eating robots?
(more)Black Holes or Bust
By the time you read this, the earth and all of its inhabitants will already have been sucked into a black hole. I hope you were ready for it because, according to the Surgeon General, getting sucked into a black hole has been known to cause a variety of medical disorders, including instantaneous death. Also, lung cancer.
(more)Ice Caps
With the presidential campaign in full swing, you’re probably wondering the same thing I am: What will happen to the battery industry once the polar ice caps melt?
(more)Public Invasion
The problem with military invasions and proctology exams is that once the border has been crossed, it’s pretty much too late to do anything about it.
(more)The Spy Who Fed Me
A few days ago I sat down at the dinner table, took a moment to reflect on the blessings bestowed on my family and nation, and thanked God that Julia Child had freed my meal from any Nazi fascist influences.
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