Quarterly Results
For the quarter "2009 October to December"
Santa Claus Laid Off
The North Pole Board of Directors today filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection for its overnight delivery service, and announced the immediate suspension of division president Santa Claus from his regular gift giving and elf management duties.
(more)God Sues Researchers for DNA Piracy
God filed suit in federal court today against several dozen scientist engaged in illegal copying and distribution of previously licensed DNA.
(more)Church Lotto Jackpot Exceeds $12 Million
There were no winners in last Sunday’s Lotto drawing at Saint Andrew’s Church, so the entire jackpot rolls over into next week. A surge in ticket sales is sure to push the payoff for a single ticket with all six numbers correct to nearly $12.3 million dollars.
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