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For the tag "election"

My DNA-Linked Inaguration

Take Obama’s height. He towers at six feet one-and-a-half inches, and I am proud to say that I, too, have the advantage of height, thanks to the genes he and I share in common. I myself am five feet ten inches.

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I Need a Fix

I have a confession to make. I’m an addict, and I need a fix. I’ve been hooked for about eight or ten weeks, although the blur of the last few months makes it difficult to truly gauge the time. And now, having been without a hit for three days, withdrawal symptoms are starting to set in. My drug: presidential tracking polls.

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Bush Wins Again

Although there is still one day to go before the 2008 presidential election, one newspaper has already announced the winner. The Seattle Bugle’s Monday morning above-the-fold headline declares “Bush Wins Third Term.”

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Obama Ejects Reporters from Plane, Search Continues

Senator Barack Obama today ejected three reporters from his campaign plane after their affiliated newspapers endorsed his opponent, Senator John McCain. A ground search continues for the reporters.

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Obama, Liver up 14% in Polls

A new survey shows Republican Senator John McCain flailing by as much as 14%. The poll also indicates that Americans how favor liver over steak by a similar percentage.

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Palin Targets Illegal Votes in Debate

Responding to sentences used by Sarah Palin that were of a complexity normally expected for students at a tenth-grade reading level, Democratic National Committee chairman Howard Dean quipped, “As is typical of Republicans, Governor Palin clearly attempted to violate election laws by targeting underage high school students.”

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No Robots for President

Can someone please tell my why the mainstream media and national polling organizations keep focusing on side issues like the War on Terror and the economy instead of on this one question: Which of the two major party candidates is more likely to take complete control of the United States through his own army of flesh-eating robots?

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